I know I said I’m ok that he’s in past. I’m not.
That’s not where I want him.
I’m done pretending like I’m ok to move on. I’m still not. (If you’ve been reading this, then surely you know that, too.) I keep trying to lie to myself, but really...I still only want to try things with Adam.
...but I feel the futility in it, so I lie to myself.
Miracles happen everyday, I know that...but I need to hope for a different one.
I’ve been feeling really homesick recently. I want to get to Boise as soon as possible. I want to find home.
I really need a hug. 💔
----
(Update: 11:30pm)
A woman, mother of a number of kids, recently went through a tough divorce within the last year--her husband left her/them--and she's already bouncing back.
I feel like a baby for not being so resilient, for not letting go of Adam.
People get their hearts broken, dreams crushed, whatever. There's not always the luxury of a reason why, and they move on faster than a snail's pace.
I guess I will move on and wait until I find a guy that I can have...the real version?...of what I had with Adam. I'm not going to settle for less, because I deserve better.
I'll know him when I find him. Until then...I'm taking a break from dating.
This is where I am:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/trust-in-the-lord?lang=eng
I’m stronger than I know. I will figure things out.
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