Weird Dreams

Dreams. I just want to talk to him and hug him in real life.

One of my last dreams, though, was pretty weird.

I was in high school, didn’t recognize anyone—not even the teachers. (Go figure. I have not been in high school in a very long time.) the bell rang, so people were switching classes, and I couldn’t remember my schedule or what day it was.

There was a class in the hallway working on a dance routine, and I wanted to help them, but I think I was supposed to go to math. I think I finished science and had math next, but I couldn’t remember which level. So I peaked in the windows, hoping I could recognize where I was supposed to be. However, none of the topics struck me as the right one.

Oh! And of the class I had attended, we worked on a group assignment. ...it was supposed to be an experiment/game activity. It involved drawing pictures. As we were working, there were four of us at the desks, and one of the guys just started playing with my hand. Right there in the middle of the group. He didn’t even pause in his explanation of his picture, but instead gave me a curiously challenging look as if to say, “You going to do anything?”

I didn’t like it, but I also didn’t do anything except get up really fast and leave when the bell rung.  But the thought did cross my mind that what if this is my only shot? What if I just need to suck it up and hope more tender feelings develop over time? Well, too bad. I really didn’t want to talk to him. He creeped me out.

Then right before I woke up, I dreamt of Adam. So different from the high school dream—I was much happier! I woke up and wanted to reach out to him. I can’t. It’s so hard to know that I can’t even talk to him.

I don’t know how to get over him. I’m thinking this feeling will never go away, and I should just settle with someone like crazy guy.

I mean, I feel bad for ignoring that guy's texts. Maybe...I just...🤷‍♀️ Love is overrated. Surely you can have a happy life with someone based on friendship. ...though the imbalance of emotions would be awkward...whatever. I can deal with it.

I’ll see how I feel the next time he texts. Right now I’m feeling weak.
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(Update 5/15 2:20pm): I really want to talk to someone. A real conversation. I am hitting this brick wall. Gah. It's so frustrating. I contemplated texting crazy guy, but I won't. I tend to have a bad aftertaste after talking to him.

I don't know who I can talk to that will make this feeling go away. Maybe I can find out if I pray.