Trying my best

I really want to talk to him—send him a message or something. I’m trying my best to fill my mind with other things, and it usually works. Not tonight, though.

So here I am, writing here so I’ll be too tired to send him a message.

There’s so much I am grateful for. I went to the Be One performance to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the blacks getting the priesthood.

Moral of the story: ask and ye shall receive. Oh, and patience. A lot of patience while waiting on other people’s time.

...I want someone to talk to about it (namely, uh, Adam), buuuuut. No.

Oh! I had an interview this morning. 10-mins long, really funny, we’ll see what happens. Hopefully they’ll be ok with me temping. (They say I have everything they’re looking for...though they kinda want someone long-term. I still am trying to find my way to Idaho. Which, by the way, doesn’t look like I’ll make it to that temple this weekend. 😞 I really want to. I want to go home.)

That may be part of why I want to text Adam. He felt like home, and I need a hug. 😢

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(update 6/2 10:31 am)
It's actually a good thing he stopped talking to me.

I don't like sharing personal stuff. I don't do feelings. I really don't.

In general, I'm a very private person. Truly.

...I don't understand something though. In writing this, I'm reminded of that Monday morning. I reread a lot of messages, thinking I'd regret some of what I'd said, or be extremely embarrassed, and I didn't and I wasn't. I don't know how that's possible. That's unlike me, and it doesn't make sense. If I tell someone something personal, I usually regret it. I mean, even my recent thought that I need a hug from him...if I were to meet him in person, I wouldn't actually ask for a hug. We're strangers. That's awkward, and I don't do hugs.

I'm best on my own. Observing from the sidelines. So it's best that he's not around anymore.