A Simple Picture

I had so much to say on a series of fun adventures.
It all left me, though, when I saw Adam's new profile picture. It kinda stopped my heart dead in its tracks.

Y'see, I've not been feeling much of anything recently, so I figured I was finally getting over him. I mean, sure, I still miss him. I still wonder how he and his daughters are doing. But I had pretty much resolved myself to admit that that was just a dream. It wasn't real. We never even met, so I'm probably imagining who Adam is/was, similarly to how Crazy Guy does about me. (I mean, seriously? Crazy Guy--after I told him multiple times again we're not going to happen, and he just needs to look for someone else while he's back east for the next couple of months--said no. "You're better than every other girl on earth." !! Just added proof he has this delusion of who I am, and that we would never work out.)

And then he goes and changes his profile picture. And it's him. I mean, as he is now, not however many years ago. He looks like my Adam. And my heart stops because he's there. He's mine. ...except he's not.

My heart's reaction was so strong. I started to cry. I want to talk to him, to hear his voice, to listen to his stories, to go adventuring with him. I want to do so much for him, and I can't. He doesn't want me.

I'm not over him.

I still have not felt anything even remotely close to this for another guy. I wonder how long it will take before I can. How much more does my heart have to break?

And why does he have to be so attractive?! I thought yesterday I was pretty cute, but that's not the same level.