I got an invoice in the mail from the university yesterday that was prepared Tuesday (3/31), and due Wednesday (4/1). Not a small one either. It was completely unexpected, and I don’t understand why it is charging me. I paid for the semester in January.

This would take all of the money I was going to use to pay for my teaching certification. I need that certification so I can have a job.

I kinda broke down today. I have failed in so many things, and now this.
I’m trying to fix things. I’m trying to help people. I feel like nothing I do is working, and then I say too much and people stop listening.

This is conference weekend. I’m hoping to find some answers and gain some understanding for where I am in my life’s journey. I watched Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and I was reminded that if Joseph—who saved Egypt and his family from famine—had to go through such a windy path, why would I be exempt? God has a plan, and eventually I’ll get to where I’m going. I really had hoped though that I had figured out a pattern, and I’d be able to get married in May. A year ago, I thought the end was in sight. Sure, I didn’t have anybody in mind, but I thought I would surely find him in the subsequent year. One month away, and I’m dubious. ...though, I was willing to marry Adam with only having known him one week. Maybe I’ll be lucky and find someone like that again. ...except I’m not really looking. I’m tired of looking. Adam was so perfect for me. 😓

I do not matter
I'm only one person
Destroy me completely
Then throw me away

If my life were important I would ask "Will I live or die?"
But I know the answers lie
Far from this world

Close every door to me
Keep those I love from me
Children of Israel
Are never alone

For we know we shall find
Our own peace of mind
For we have been promised
A land of our own!