How are you doing?
I’m struggling. I don’t like the idea of being alone for a prolonged period of time. Admittedly I did hang out with someone yesterday, but it just highlights today’s melancholy. I also got a call from the principal to tell me he’d still write a great recommendation for my future. I really am not passionate about teaching. My sister thinks this is the kick in the pants I needed, but...I’m struggling to pick myself up. I’ve not had great luck in any of my searches: jobs, husband, nada.

I’m grateful for my apartment that feels like home. (Though it needs to be cleaned up. Working from home is not necessarily a tidy thing.) I’m grateful for my new keyboard. I’m grateful for my Christmas lights that are still up. (They’re just white, so it’s really not bad.) I’m grateful for the scanning function on my phone—I quickly scanned the signatures of my ancestors from the old, old books I have. I’m grateful for scriptures, and the atonement of Jesus Christ. I’m grateful for second chances, and third chances, and seventy times seven chances. (I make a lot of mistakes.) I’m grateful for my two strawberry seedlings (I planted about 30 seeds—only 2 sprouted!) and my poinsettia plant that I thought I killed, but didn’t. (I knocked off the last branch as I was repotting it. Bummed, I just stuck it in the soil with the old roots because the pot looked sad otherwise, and hoped the old roots would grow something. Little did I know, but those branches can grow roots! Now I need to take out the old roots because that’s what I think is dead-dead. My little plant needs room to grow roots!)

Bof. I just watched a movie that has made me feel like I wasted my time: Red Riding Hood. It wasn’t a poorly done movie, just not a good use of my time. I typically like happy movies when I’m on my own. I don’t know why, probably because they’re good background noise, so I still get stuff done. Movies are best watched with others.

...one day.

The next few weeks will be rough three year anniversaries for me. I will continue to hope that I haven’t screwed up God’s plan for me. I will continue to hope that I will be able to feel right with someone again.

Among other issues, I just haven’t found other kids that I’d be comfortable with them calling me stepmom. (Most guys my age have kids. So it’s a real concern. 😓)