I was looking for a dance picture. Going back through my photos—I have 10k—my scroll stopped on a image of his daughter. My heart started to hurt so bad. How is it possible to hurt so much to see a picture of a girl you’ve never met? I loved her as if she were my own. I loved her dad so much, I looked forward to him coming to visit. He’s the only one I didn’t shy away from when he mentioned marriage.

It has been almost three years. I saw that picture and I felt like I was separated from my family. I miss them.

With him, I could even imagine how custody exchanges would go with his ex, and I was ok with that.

Why does it still hurt? Why does her picture make me feel like he’s still my family that I’ve lost.

I’m going to have faith. I’m going to remove these splinters so my heart can fully heal. I will get better. But I love her little face.

I miss him.
——
Update: 4/8
The guy I most recently broke up with asked if I thought about sending Adam a message. 😬😅 I said, yup. But if he were interested, he knows how to get in contact with me. So my problem is that he’s clearly not.

I will trust in the healing power of the Atonement, and trust that God has a plan for me. At the proper time, I will find someone I can love with my whole heart again.