I thought of eternity.
My nephew asked my sister last night what eternity meant after she sang “Families can be Together Forever” to them. “Forever,” she said, “because mommy and daddy were sealed in the temple, we’ll be a family with all of you forever.” My nephew, 8, was not too keen on the idea. He cried out, “I want to be with MY family forever. Not you guys!” 😂 (This is the nephew who has been wanting to get married since he was 5 so that they would have a sister to play with.)
So today, I was pondering eternity. Forever. Am I living up to my covenants? Am I doing what I can to find an eternal companion? Honestly, I’m tired of looking. The thought of finding someone new is draining, especially when I’ve had such luck in the past. I can’t picture eternity with most of these guys.
I wondered why? Kids, standards, goals, conversation...I’ve never felt right with any of them. Except Adam. Almost 3 years have passed, I don’t know who he is anymore, he doesn’t know me, really. I mean. C’mon. Scatterbrained messages don’t exactly count. Yet he is the one I was able to picture eternity with. He was one I could picture a future with. It didn’t weird me out to imagine being a stepmom to his daughters. He was the one I wanted a family with. He is the one who felt right. The ONLY one who has ever felt right to me.
I felt today like I should say hi. I tried to ignore it, but 🤷♀️. I sent it. The likelihood of him seeing it are small. I figure if he does see it...well, he probably already thinks I’m a little looney, and he’ll keep on ignoring me. So it really doesn’t change anything for me.
In other news. I accidentally killed one of my cucumber seedlings as I was trying to transplant it. I successfully transplanted the other one, though! I’m learning to garden. There are wins and losses. Still waiting for my peppers and strawberries to sprout, but they’ve still got time.
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