White: Clean, Cold, Alone

I am so lost. I try to keep myself busy by serving others and exploring, but at the end of the day, I can't outrun my thoughts. My questions plague me, and I wish I could forget them. I wish they didn't demand answers. ...an ever-growing part of me wishes I could go back to last year before I met Adam--before I knew what I was missing. Then I could give other guys a fair chance.

Have you seen the painting of the Singing Butler?

It is hanging in my living room. I love it. I had the solo in our formation routine that was inspired by this painting. The song we danced to was the Piano Man. Knowing what you know of me, you may look at it and think, "Of course, she would be the lady in red dancing." That would be incorrect, however. I'm the windblown maid.

She is serving, and trying to keep things together. While not alone, she is by herself. The couple that is dancing on the beach looks at her. They see her, but they don't really see her, because they are very much focused--happily so--on the person in their arms. She is happy for them, but can't help but begrudge the windy conditions that leave her feeling out of sorts, and wonders if she'll ever get to dance with someone. At the end of the day, she looks in the mirror and remembers her place. She's the help--the supporting role. Occasionally seen, but rarely known.

Who knows..maybe that's how life is supposed to be--never really known.

My reality? Exploring a winter wonderland. A stark, cold, lonely beauty. Part of something, but still alone.