Showers are meant to wash away tears, right? 😄 I once read that people who need hugs take longer/hotter showers than normal. Who knows if it’s true, but I’d believe it.

I have been doing self-reflection ever since our meeting with the lawyer yesterday. My mom laughed in a mocking way when, to illustrate a concept, he used me and any kids I might have. I get it. It’s a loooong shot at this point, but still. It hurts to be laughed at. I think about the career I don’t have. The direction I don’t have. And the stress I DO have. There is a lot to be done to get my parents’ stuff in order. I am the only one really doing it, and it’s because I don’t have a career or a family. I can be here to get things done. It is a REAL blessing, even though it’s not what I thought I’d be doing with my life at this point. But—silver lining—I thought, maybe I’m better to others single than I would be to anyone married. Maybe I’m just right instead of the failure I imagine I am. (To be fair, I also never thought I’d be married before my dad died, and maybe this is why. I had hoped to be wrong, but. Yeah.)

I’m learning a lot about...a lot. I have also reached out to see about getting information/footage from the station my dad was working at when he won his Emmy. My mom asked me why bother—he has the statue. It’s an Emmy. Leave it at that. It’s cool enough. 

Sorry (not), but I like the stories. So. I’m getting information where I can. 😊

Also. I looked back at something I wrote late one night: Sometimes I write nonsense when I’m really tired. 😅 I really don’t expect anyone from my past to come back as more than a friend. But I could use some good friends.really.  And hugs, but. Yeah.