Needs and Wants

Do I need someone else?

Y’know that movement that is going around saying women don’t need men to take provide or take care of them? That’s not me.

Do I need someone else? Yes.

I know I can do hard things. I also know I can take care of myself and other people. So many of my friends this week have been so impressed by my “courage,” “bravery,” and “guts” to do what I’ve done this past year and a half.

It hasn’t been easy. It’s not going to get any easier, either. I can still handle it. I’m strong. However, I’d be even stronger with my companion. I need him to help me push forward when I want to stop. I need him to be able to carry me when I’m feeling broken. I need him to have open and honest discussions with me about everything! Starry nights, bad/good days, gospel questions or insights, frustrations that I don’t put laundry away immediately, or any other random thing that pops in our heads. I need him by my side as a worthy priesthood holder who is confident enough to give me and our family blessings as needed. I need him to be willing to lean on me, and trust my strength when he’s feeling broken. I need him to let me help encourage him forward when he wants to give up.

I need him to be my companion and helpmeet.

These are also things that I want. I want a good, happy, healthy relationship where we can work through our obstacles. I want one full of mutual respect, love, and laughter.

In my heart, I keep coming back to Adam. I want it to work with him, though I’m not sure how it could. He hasn’t talked to me in two years. My heart refuses to give up.

Heavenly Father knows my needs, and what is best for me. I will rely on him as I continue to seek my eternal companion. I will trust that a man might see my weaknesses and love me in spite of them. That he will see my strengths as a complement to himself.

I will trust that one night I might have a man to wrap my arms around at night, instead of this yearning for someone who isn’t here. I hope my future companion knows how much I need him. I may not know him yet, but I need him.

I’m pretty awesome, too, so I hope he’ll help me see that he needs me, too.