I should be packing. I'm getting there. I've decorated my Christmas tree and wrapped some presents first, though.

I almost wish I weren't going away for the break just because I'm tired of traveling, but I want to be around family. I don't want to sit here all week by myself. (and my nephew is super excited I'm coming. :) )

One of the guys I've been talking to--the one who goes to church with my sister--sent me a job notice for Maryland. I'm like, I'm not moving back east. I'm not interested in you as anything more than a friend. ..well, he kept talking to me after that whole thing, so I thought he's ok with being friends. Then today he told me about where he's going to meet his future wife, and hinted to it being me. *face palm*. When I said that maybe when he goes to the temple tomorrow, maybe he'll meet her there. That one was not so easy for him brush off. He hasn't really said anything to me since. *shrug* Guess he's not interested in being friends.

School is depressing. I just realized yesterday that only half of my gradebook settings were saved properly at the beginning of...my access to the gradebook. I tried to see what would happen if I were to change them properly, and one girl who is really struggling, and has such anxiety that she only has a B, but wants an A...well...she'd be at a C with the correct settings. *facepalm* I really wish I could change it, because that is a much better representation of her grade.

...I should have discovered this sooner. I couldn't figure out why one class had so many high grades. I figured they were cheating somehow. Nope, it is 100% my fault.

That's how this whole year has been. Failure after failure. I don't feel like I've found my stride and it's really frustrating. I don't know why I'm in Idaho. I don't feel like I'm in the wrong spot, but I also don't know why I'm here. I don't know what I'm supposed to learn so that I can continue progressing.

I'm just spinning my wheels, losing hope and happiness.

I was listening to some old playlists, and I realized how much I miss music. That being said, music also makes me sad because it has memories and hopes that...no puedo aguantar.

I'm ready for new memories. I want to celebrate the holidays. Okie. and I really have to pack because I'm leaving in a few hours. Eeek!