He was in my dreams last night. 3.5 years, and he still shows up there. There are times when I wish he chose me, and were someone I could rely on. Heck, there are brief moments I wish he would still choose me. ...but then reality sets in. That all was so long ago, all I can hope is to maybe one day find someone I can feel that way about again. My options right now are just not right.

Granted, I feel at odds in my life, too. All out of sorts. My dad is...it’s a roller coaster. He wouldn’t eat/drink/take his pills for 3 days. (I was afraid he’d die while I was sitting with him yesterday.) Talked briefly with him on the phone today, and he more or less sounded normal.

I am so out of sorts. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I’m not looking forward to NYE.