Lost Art of Communication

There is something to be said about talking, actually talking, to another human being.

--Random note inspired by "being": In Hebrew "to be" is never used in the present tense, that is reserved only for the use of God. Look when God introduced himself to Moses in the Old Testament: "I am who I am." When Jesus asked the officers from the chief priests and the Pharisees, "Whom seek ye? They answered Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus saith unto them, I am [he]. ...as soon then as he had said unto them, I am [he], they went backward and fell to the ground" (John 18:4-6). They recognized that he was identifying his divinity.--

Ok, talking. I recently had a conversation with a friend, Friend A, who had been asked a pretty big favor from another friend, Friend B. The favor would involve a lot of time over the next couple of months to assist in something of a sensitive nature. Friend A doesn't have the time available for the commitment, but doesn't want to let down nor discourage Friend B. Instead of talking directly to Friend B about this out-of-the-blue request, Friend A spent a fair amount of time and emotional energy trying to figure out how to help Friend B without committing to the favor, all before even talking to Friend B.

I'm guilty of this too--which is probably why I recognized it so quickly--but we live in an age of instant gratification. If we can't come up with the perfect solution immediately, we don't want to talk to the other party until the solution has been unilaterally determined.

The problem with that? Humans are not computers. There are so many variables involved in everything that it is impossible to calculate exactly how a person will respond without having talked with them about the issue. When you try to come up with a unilateral solution, you have to consider every single possibly response the other person may have, and how they may process your response, and then come up with solutions for each of those possibilities. AND undoubtedly, you will still miss some possible reaction, and be thrown for a loop.

Instead of helping Friend B with all of your plans and backup plans, you're more likely actually hurting them. You are sending them the message that you don't care enough about them to actually talk with them. You feel you know the best solution for them without asking their input.

I like to help people. If someone were to ask me to help with something so important to them, I would feel honored and what to do whatever I could to help. At the same time, however, just because they approached me does not mean that I have to help fulfill the favor, especially if I feel unqualified to do it. I may have previous commitments that I can't shirk, as much as I hate to see others struggling. Instead of feeling obligated to help with something beyond my scope, the best thing I can do is talk with the person and make sure that they know that I care about them enough to explain why I can't help them. I can call them up to talk through other possible options--brainstorm together.

Part of the best thing about communicating with other people is helping them know that they are not alone in their struggles. You may not be able to help in the way that they initially request, but a simple phone call can go a long ways to show you care. Chances are, if they've reached out to you, it's because they're so mired in the problem and can't find any other solution. Generate ideas together. A brief conversation with you could be the push that gets them out of the rut.

We, as a society, need to stop isolating ourselves from humans. We need to learn how to talk with each other again. We're so much stronger when we do.