So much has happened, and I'm so discouraged. I don't know what I'm doing.

My life is balanced of good and bad. Everything has a silver lining, and that's all that's keeping me going. It'd be so easy to focus on the bad. I'm trying not to though.

Love? Friendship? Can I hope for anything these days? My sister acknowledged that everything in my life is in a downward trend. My other sister said at least I'm pushing through and not giving up despite the hardships. 

I don't even know why I try. I don't have the heart to make goals anymore. It's so hard. 

My one recent victory? I scored 94% better than everyone else who had taken a cognitive assessment. (millions of people I'm told). A little validation that I can process information quickly. A whole lot of good it does me. I just help people, and don't know how to use it to my benefit.

Another feather I can stick in my cap? Wedding DJ. People said I did a good job--though who knows how much of that was alcohol talking. haha. 

I can do anything. Still the only thing I want to do? Be a wife and mom.

I haven't found anyone else yet. I want someone on my level.