I see my sister and her husband holding hands on the long drive with their kids in the backseat, and it’s something I want. (The companionship and kids.)

They are my family, and I know they’re happy to have me along, but I still feel out of place.

I don’t know how to have faith that I can have these blessings for myself in this life. (The marriage and family.) I still feel like I’m so easily left behind—no one would choose me for eternity.

Part of me just wants to go home, but I have nothing really there for me either.

I want to find my media naranja. I want to find a love that isn’t so painful and leave me guessing whether or not he’ll stick with me.

I was thinking of how fun it was telling bedtime stories to Jacob’s kids, and how fun it is hiking with my niece and nephews. I got to teach them about the gospel, too. I want to do that with *my* family. With people who I’ll get to see day in and day out, and with whom we can grow closer together because we know we’re a forever family.

Instead, I get pieces here and there that leave me missing out on the full-experience that I crave.

I want to be able to love and be loved as I am. I’m praying my man might find me.