It was pointed out that I tend to sabotage myself. 

I am guarded, but who is going to look out for me if not me? 

I don’t know how to compete with kids. I don’t feel like I should, so maybe that’s my problem. I was recently told that if a guy is seriously dating, then of course the lady would take priority over his kids. But the fact that that has never happened with us hurt. I always get brushed off for school assignments, too. He can’t take an evening off for a date night. (He’ll do other stuff instead, though!)

But he “cares about me.” 

He got mad at me when I said I don’t feel he does. I go out of my way to help him with things or to do things for him. He does not reciprocate; he does stuff for me if it’s something he was going to have to do regardless. 

He did sit and talk with me for an hour last week, and pointed out how he wouldn’t take that time from playing with his kids if he didn’t care. (His kids were playing with their grandparents/aunts though. They were perfectly content.) Time for real talking is very rare, and even then I felt I had only a certain amount of time for his attention, and couldn’t explain all that needed to be said.

Actions speak louder than words. 

I don’t know why I bother trying anymore.