Asking for Trouble

I really. I like to shoot myself in the foot apparently.

I really like this guy in NZ. I wish I could say I believed he really liked me.

I can't.

He says he does. But I find it difficult to believe.

It's my insecurities that are going to ruin things again. I don't know how to get passed them.
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He called me this morning as I was typing this. He stayed up way too late in order to talk to me because I said that I wanted to talk to him when he woke up--it was important. He chose to call before he even went to sleep to ensure we'd have enough time to talk about whatever it was I felt we needed to talk about.

I was prepared to call it quits. I was prepared to say that we shouldn't be a long-distance couple when we haven't even met in real life. What if he met someone else close by? Why should he pass up on that because he feels tied to someone on the opposite side of the world--someone he has never met in person?

He asked me how I was. I was on the verge of tears, and said, "ok." He picked up my distress and waited. He asked me what I needed to talk to him about, and he sat there patiently while I brought up some of my insecurities. He listened as he heard what he had inadvertently done. It took me a few moments to get myself together, and he waited. I was embarrassed, and wanted to divert the topic, but he said that if it matters enough to me to make me sad, then it matters enough to be talked about.

He is such a good man.

He then got on the topic of how he asked me to be his girlfriend. He wanted to. He didn't ask because I asked him how he thought of us. He had wanted to, and he finally did. He asked me what it means that we're in a long-distance relationship. I said, "Well, nothing really changes except I know not to accept dates from other guys." He agreed, and told me beyond that he's not even going to look at other girls. He wants to try and make this work. With us. Scary prospect.

The call started out with me ready to cry and give up, and ended with me laughing and feeling better about everything.

To make things even better? The things that I pointed out that he inadvertently did that made me sad? He's already done so much to change them. He made no promises this morning except to say he'd try to be better, and he's doing it. I was half-tempted to tell him to not worry about it, but this little voice in the back of my head told me, no. I need to be happy here, too, and nothing will change if he doesn't know. Don't feel bad about telling him. That's how relationships work.