Holidays are tough. My heart hurts. I’m tired of being lonely.

Timing is not my forte apparently. I mean, I like that the trucker is still willing to learn, but even if he managed to, and we fell in love, it’d be a year after his baptism until we could get sealed. Not to mention, he’s a truck driver with an erratic schedule. For example, I probably won’t see him again this year. And if we did fall in love, and we did get serious, this is how it’d be for the next two years at least.

That’s hard. He’s a really nice guy, and there aren’t many out there like him. Plus, for whatever reason, he seems to like me. There are these obstacles in my way that I’m not sure I can overcome. I don’t want a part-time boyfriend or husband. I want to be able to get hugs and cuddles everyday.

Why can’t I find that in someone who is close? Someone with similar values, beliefs, too, hopefully. What am I doing so wrong that I can’t find this?

Holidays alone are really depressing. All I can think about is how much work I have that I don’t want to do, and how empty my life is of meaningful relationships. I try. I really do.