Lonely and Alone

I find myself alone, alone for the first time in...well, since before my mission. I mean, I've gone a day time without anyone else around, but being separated from everyone I know for a whole night, no es bueno. I already miss Rexburg, particularly the people there, dreadfully. To think it will be 5 months until I'm back makes me surprisingly sad. I think of what I'm going home to, and all I have there is family [don't get me wrong, family is great!], but I don't have a job, no friends really, ohhhh the dancing. When I left last December it was just terrible. I don't even have that to look forward to.

This week I had a conversation with two different people who are in similar but different situations, and something one of them told me struck a woeful chord. She had invested a lot of time and effort in setting up this one potential future; it was something she really wanted, but she never quite felt contented with the way things were going. There seemed to be a lot of roads blocked on her path, it was to the point that a bishop told her, "I would love to have you in the ward, but I don't feel like this is where you belong. I don't know where it is, but I know it's not here." While this may seem terrible, it was actually helping her along her way. Her sister one day asked how things were going and said something very profound, which changed the perspective of my friend. Her sister asked if maybe the Lord had a different plan for her and she was just single-mindedly going about what she wanted to happen, almost forcing the situation--looking at it from the wrong perspective--and losing what was really best for her.

As I reflect on the semester and on the year at school that just ended, I think about what I have accomplished. I have read a TON of books. That's about it. The only thing I ever really made time for was dancing [purely selfish], but I could have done much more. These past few days where I have gotten out of my books/homework and just been with the people around me have been so much fun [almost too much: I don't want to leave the burg]. Because I have had two conversations that made me think that I'm looking at my future wrong. Not that studying hard is a bad thing--definitely not-- but neglecting the life that goes on around you is. I'm not a robot, nor solely a reader. I am the author of my life, and I need to write it. Take action into making things happen. I think the real freak out for me was when I realized I only have 2 more semesters, yet I treat them as if they will continue forever. Time is precious. The good people that surrounded me in Rexburg are irreplaceable, and I wish I had taken the time to do more things together and develop stronger bonds [it's just easier when there are no assignments looming over your head].

As I think of my life ahead in these next few months, I don't know what's going to happen, and I feel like I'm missing something important. I feel like I need to grow up, and get out. Actually, someone to talk to would be great, but alas, here I am, lonely and alone.